Tuesday, October 28, 2008

A look inside and some love talk

Here's where you'll find us, from now until Spring, cozying up to the warmth of the fire for a nap, to read a book, to play games or draw or of course, to knit. My workspace shares the same room luckily, or if it didn't, I'd surely drag it in here.

I've been reading some more, 5 minutes here, 10 minutes at the end of the drive waiting for the bus, or through blurry lashes late at night. The Road Less Traveled again, by M. Scott Peck, M.D. It may be 30 years old, but his ideas on love are timeless and true. I'm to the part of the book where he talks about what love IS. He finished telling us that it is NOT a feeling, a lusty urge, fleeting, easy or effortless. Real love is what sticks around (or not) when all these things inevitably pass. He says it always requires two things: work and courage. He talks about the work of real listening to loved ones and giving them all our attention, setting aside our personal agendas for the moment and giving ourselves completely to the other person.

This can have a profound effect, especially on our children. He says, "There is no better and ultimately no other way to teach your children that they are valuable people than by valuing them." This then has a cyclical effect, where as our children feel valued they say things of value and thus become even more interesting to listen to and pay attention to. I'm leaving out large chunks of text having to do with teaching and learning for the sake of brevity, but here's what he says that I like the most: "If the reader senses the cyclical character of this process, he or she is quite correct and is appreciating the truth of the reciprocity of love. Instead of a vicious downward cycle, it is a creative upward cycle of evolution and growth. Value creates value. Love begets love."

This is the stuff I come back to when I wonder, "Where am I going wrong?" in terms of parenting. It's also what I need to remember when I wonder, "What is it that I've done so right?"

No comments: