Monday, March 17, 2008

Party Girl

She started out excited but still fairly calm,

But I think the sugar and gaggle of giggly girls got to her,

It seemed like they all had fun. Some cried when it came time to leave. There were some moments of whining and "I need help!" with our little egg project, all of which went away when I announced that they didn't have to be perfect. I guess that need starts early in some.

The opportunity to spend this time with Lauren and her friends (she moved to a new class in January) gave me a quick education. The personalities of the girls were so apparent as well as the group dynamic, and many of my questions were answered, like, "Why all the baby talk? Ohhh, I get it, because all the girls in your class do too!" I found out who the pack leader was, who the quiet ones were (yes there were some), those with a rosy outlook and those with a cloudy one, the helpers and those who demanded attention. It was alot all at once.

Most of the mothers dropping off thought I was very brave, and by the time Lauren was standing on her chair boxing with balloons I knew why. Still the favorite activity of all those present had to be the egg hunt put on by Daddy and John, reaffirming my belief that with kids sometimes the simplest things are the most memorable and thrilling.

Which leads me to a confession. Before the party Kevin stopped me to let me know I was getting a little anal, worrying too much and getting a bit obsessed with the details. I agreed and through a tearful conversation revealed my fears. "I don't know if I'm doing this right, if I'm a good mom, or if what I'm doing is enough. I feel like I'm navigating new territory and am out here all alone. I know I can talk to you, but you're not a mom, know what I mean?"

And in his subtle but reassuring way Kevin told me, "All she wants is you. She wants you to smile and have fun; to be present, give her hugs and laugh with her. That's it." By this time I was sitting on the kitchen countertop and he moved over so I could lean on his back and hug this way for a while. It was just what I needed to make it and to remind myself once again that motherhood isn't all about me or my perceived shortcomings, today it was all about Lauren.


*Michelle* said...

motherhood isn't all about me or my perceived shortcomings

Ahem. Thanks for the reminder. :)

Pamela said...

What a fun time!

You are a wonderful mom and have a dear husband. I know uncharted territory is scary. Even if it's not quite right, if you do it kindly and with love, it's going to be close.

Happy Birthday to Lauren!