Friday, November 30, 2012

Chucking the shoulds

It doesn't look right, this bright light shining through my kitchen window at 5:30 in the morning.  It should be dark, I should be stumbling around running into things.  Who am I to know what is right, what should be?

It's been one of those weeks where things seem like they're falling down all around me.  Maybe not in my immediate life (though I've been there) but in the lives of those close by.  There are funerals, hospitalizations, serious illnesses and setbacks, one after the other everywhere I turn, in most every conversation and I start to wonder when it's my turn.  When will the next shoe drop?  Then I question my basic attitude on life, right?  Tell me you do it too.  I think of myself as the eternal optimist because that's the way I dig myself out.  I'm the 'glass half full' girl, the one who can always see the silver lining, the one who knows tomorrow is another day.  But at times like these I wonder if that's really true, if I really am all that positive or if I let life rub off on me too much.  Then I realize I don't know anything.

If I planned things according to what should be then things would probably look drastically different than they do right now and who knows how I might have screwed them up.  And there surely wouldn't be a full moon outside my window as I make the coffee because I'd be too caught up in myself to put it there.

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