In the thick of it

I've been slacking on the blog this weekend, feeling completely engulfed by summer but not regretting a single second of it. We headed to the beach on Friday to visit family and the novelty of the treat of being able to go to the ocean just for the day still has not worn off on this former Missouri girl even after 17 years. Even though the trip was short I was still able by the afternoon to go to an almost hypnotized state, letting my mind get completely lost in the waves and the sound of the ocean. I had decided not to worry myself over the lack of knitting work being accomplished for the market and wondered what would happen if I just let it all go and participate in what was happening right in front of me. Let's just say I'm happy with the results and I know that's a directive I need to follow often.

It sounds so cliche to talk about what fun ages the kids are now, and how great it is to be able to just pick up and go and see and do things and experience it all through their eyes, but I'll go ahead and say it anyway. And while they probably wish I would do more with them, ride every wave, get caked with sand and salt, body surf and boogie board, what they don't probably realize is just how much I'm taking in and what great enjoyment I find in observing and listening and watching every smile and eager look on their faces.

So there was plenty of play and some extremely worn out kids and reality hitting hard when we returned. We came home to a very sick husband/father Friday night and he's stayed that way through all of Father's Day, I sweated out the market in 100 degree temperatures, extreme humidity and a mediocre turnout, and my car has let me know in no uncertain terms that the beach trip was just about all it's aging transmission could handle and that I'd better trade it in for something with more life in it before it stops running altogether.

Even with bright prospects ahead, these unexpected blips in the radar cast a negative tone over everything, reminding me that the future remains uncertain. There are some big changes in our near future and I'm left feeling anxious and scared, hoping that all will turn out well in the end. I'm sure everything will, it's just the anticipation that I can do without sometimes.

I felt better after Kevin and I talked through it all, desite his throbbing head, congestion and running eyes, and we both ended up feeling a little bit brighter, deciding once again not to operate and make decisions based solely on fear. It would be better perhaps to meet life head on and just roll with it rather than letting it roll right over top of us, we decided, giving each other an unintentioned pep talk. It's a shame we had to have such heaviness on Father's Day and so we've also decided that we haven't yet had ours. We've gone ahead and postponed the holiday until next week when hopefully we all are feeling much, much better.