It's all good

driving with the sunroof open wide
70 degree days
listening to favorite songs like
this one
and this one
and this
because it's that kind of day

the feeling of gratitude
of being watched over
led
protected

hearing my husband tell me to have a good day off
to slow down
not worry about getting it all done
to enjoy myself

thankful every day
that I'm involved in the human side of healthcare
holding a hand
sharing a tear
a laugh
a story

knowing that between all the good
and the bad
that I've landed in the right place
somehow.

Bits and pieces

I tried to think of one title for this post that would encompass everything but it was nearly impossible. This may be a bit list-y but here goes.

Above you see the chocolate dipped pink lilac booties I finally listed in the shop. And on the topic of booties, I've been seriously remiss in announcing my rekindled friendship and affiliation with an incredible website called Craftsbury Kids. I sold some dolls with her back almost a year ago, and now she's offering a nice selection of my baby booties too! The link above sends you directly to the "meet the artists" page where you can see me :) and while you're there if you click the picture of the baby bootie it will show you the whole selection. We've already had our first sale and I'm so excited for what is to come. Thank you, Cecelia!

Currently on the needles (between making booties) are a pair of hot pink mittens. The brown one is from my favorite personal pair, the ones I wear nearly every day and from the pattern I made up as I went last winter. They are so warm in wool and mohair so I decided to spread the love and there was this hot pink yarn just sitting there so I said, why not? I'm getting them ready for a show this weekend.

I much prefer making mittens on two needles rather than in the round, I think they're much quicker.

As for the last bit, I thought I'd share the story from last night's dinner preparation. One of my favorite things about my kitchen is the under the cabinet radio with CD player Kevin bought me for Christmas a few years ago. It makes cooking so much more fun, since we have an old house that doesn't have a great room with stereo or TV access or people access for that matter. The radio keeps me company. So last night I had one song on repeat (I love that feature), "Old Man" by Neil Young. Now I'm not a huge Neil Young fan, but I definitely have admiration for the guy, anyone who can write and sing a song like that has something special, no matter how off beat he may be as a person. So I was dancing and singing and cooking and repeating off in my own little world, with the strange need to hear that song over and over and over and Kevin walks in and says facetiously, "gonna listen to a little Neil, honey?", raises his eyebrows as if to say, "what has gotten into you?" and walks out.

I love being married, and comfortable, and secure, not having to worry about what he thinks about me, just knowing that I can be a little off beat myself and each day we do nothing but grow closer together. Anyway, he should be happy, it's his CD.

Bear with me

a lovely sight

I've been all a jumble this week, not really because of all the minutia going on that I like to list from time to time (which most of you could probably do without and I probably could too), but because of what's going on behind the scenes, the unmentionable, the unblogable, the heartbreaking, the lifechanging situations of several people around me. Luckily, and I really mean by the grace of God, I'm not speaking of me or Kevin or the kids. But we are all affected, sore in the stomach, with heavy hearts and find ourselves making statements like, "This is all just temporary, brighter days are coming" (Kevin). And it's not really our kids that know, these are the ponderings of the adult mind, searching for the adult solutions to life's darker days and all the ways in which we can be present for loved ones who need us. May they want us right now.

Fortunately there's music, and knitting or my anxiety would perhaps spin me into the abyss. I had the thought today that my kids are either going to love Pearl Jam and U2and Radio Head and Aimee Mann and Cold Play and and and....or hate it. This when I was blasting "Daughter" in the car, windows down, dancing down the highway in my minivan and 38 year old body. Ridiculous. It may deal with sad material, but I find it one of my most liberating songs ever. You'll see....

she holds the hand that holds her down...
she will...rise above...

lyrics from "Daughter" by Pearl Jam

So I pray for those I speak of that they will rise above. They may not know it yet, but I'm sure, no, I know that they will.

p.s. the other thing I do when I'm anxious is make jewelry
p.p.s. thanks for sticking with me

Listening

The urge to hear Billy Joel's "And so it goes" hit me this morning as strong as chocolate. So I started pulling out old CD's, the ones that still sit in the cabinet or in my car as they do in this iPod-less household. I need this music today.

Most days I'm listening to the best radio station I've ever found, WNRN out of Charlottesville. Anyone who plays 80's alternative, The English Beat, Sugarcubes, Cure, Fugazi and REM, but also all the new stuff, Kate Nash, Feist, Matt Nathanson and even Patience's beloved Flobots has me as a listener for life.

But today I feel quiet. I want to listen more than I talk. I want something familiar, something reassuring and good. This is what I need when change is imminent, feelings are bruised, life seems big and when new doors open. Music is there when I'm tired, or exhuberant, thoughtful or blank, or when I just want something real.

Barney didn't last long here. I'm quickly converting the kids to my taste in music and even some of their friends. Yesterday Lauren's friend who was over was dancing like crazy to Feist's "I feel it all" in the living room. I love it. Allie is partial to Pete Yorn and John's favorite is U2's "I will follow", a boy after my own heart.

One order of business. I will be back at the Goochland Farmer's Market tomorrow from 8-12. So happy to have had a break, haven't made nearly as much as I wanted to but I'm okay with it, and I'm excited to be going back. I've missed it.

Hope you all enjoy your music today and have a wonderful weekend.

Gratitude and the super hero complex

I was driving home this morning after dropping Allie off at preschool and a trip to the grocery store, when I started thinking about what I would post today. What do I possibly have to offer anybody today? I thought. I'm completely and utterly exhausted, I have no new pictures of knitting to show. No words or great insight to share. I don't really have anything to say about anything. (There you heard it, the ugly voice of negativity that takes over especially when my defenses are down, and I'm not paying attention.)


"In Your Eyes" by Peter Gabriel was on the radio and I thought, well, at least I'm thankful for music. And I'm thankful for friendships, old and new, for the mere ability to knit, for my kids, my husband who cares about me even when things are a little off track, business that has, well, been keeping me busy, for shelter, food, blue sky and new growth.







And there you have it--one attitude--changed. All with a little sunshine, some good music and most of all, gratitude.


I fall into that same trap that so many of us do, and expect myself to be super human. That somehow magically at the 3 week mark of this bout with mono I would suddenly be able to pop out of bed and resume all normal activity. How wrong I was. On Monday I thought it would be completely fine to go (with Allie) to the post office, grocery store, out to lunch and shopping with an out-of-town friend, ride around with her all afternoon, walk through a house Kevin's building and then top it off with a preschool fundraiser with Kevin and the kids to Chuckie Cheese of all places. Afterward I literally thought I was going to leave behind a trail of body parts on my way out to the car. Such complete exhaustion is indescribable.



And, ignorantly since then I've done a bunch of laundry, cooking, and caring for children. I've been to the post office 3 more times, bible study, grocery store again, made multiple trips back and forth to school and the real kicker was trying to stand up for handbell practice at church last night. After 15 minutes I was propping myself up with the table and the wall. Finally I sat down. The worst part is how irritable the fatigue makes me. It's like this little squawking bird pops out of my mouth like a cuckoo clock and says things like, "Get out of the kitchen!", "get your shoes off the couch!", "do your homework!". ugh.



So instead, today has been about gratitude. That errands don't fill my day with anything but errands, and constant activity only means that I'm unsettled. I'm finding other hidden perks to this whole situation as well. Like it's easy to save money when you don't spend it, and somehow my wardrobe is just fine when I can't go shopping.