Wednesday, September 26, 2012

The Holding Pattern (wait? are we moving?)

Uncertainty loomed as I had a spare moment to clean on Tuesday.  It was not my typical routine and I am very much a creature of habit.  Perhaps that's where I first went wrong.  Questions swirled in my head.  "Who am I?  What am I doing?  How do I know what I'm doing? Am I doing it right?"

These pertained to everything.  Parenting, being a wife, my chosen career, where I live geographically.  I questioned myself so much that it reminded me of when I think of a word and say it repeatedly so much that it no longer makes, sense, has meaning and I question it's spelling, definition and whether or not it truly is even a word.  Know that feeling?  Nothing was clear to me yesterday and I can't quite say why.

To make matters worse, my husband had the same mini mid-life crisis in his parallel universe.  Fantastic.

The big questions stared at him, haunted him.  The career about-face.  The future.  "What am I doing, where am I going and why am I going there with all of these people (excluding family of course)?"  It made for quite the pre-bedtime conversation.

Mid-life.  Have fun when you get here if you're not already.  The pressure is on.  Time is ticking.  You are suddenly smacked in the face with how much time you may or may not have seemingly wasted.  You may want to be in a different place both literally and figuratively.  Maybe not.  But you certainly don't want to end up like that guy who is all alone, has only his career left and screams at everyone around him and is afraid to retire because he knows he'll die if he does.  Or you want to figure out all your issues now while you can see them in full daylight so you don't end up panickstricken, anxious and afraid of everything, unable to get out of a chair unless hauled up by three people just to move, or spend all day obsessively checking closets to see if all of your clothes are still there.  Oh yes, I come across people such as this every.  single.  day.

Upon solving nothing by the end of the evening we watched Parenthood and went to sleep.  Here I am this morning, writing this lovely little uplifting post for you recounting it all because today is another day.  The future lies ahead, the past is still there and now yesterday is part of it.  I think I'll file it away under "TBD" and get going.

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