On repeat

And so she woke up
woke up from where she was, lying there
said I, gotta do somethin' about where we're goin'

~lyrics from "Running to stand still" by U2

I know that whole song, word for word, note by note, without the music. I sing it over and over and over sometimes in my head while I'm walking Sunny, it's the perfect beat and rhythm for my pace. I remember so vividly when that album came out, near the end of my time in high school and playing that song on repeat day after day. I loved it. Still do. Some songs I know the words to only if I hear the music, but that one, I hear it in my head exactly as if it's playing on the radio, and remember every single word. Strange, because I don't really know what it means and I don't exactly think the subject matter is too happy to tell you the truth.

But there it was, in my head while I walked and the kids played on the swings, I walked and they climbed a tree (or tried at least), I walked and Sunny tried to yank my arm off to tackle the kids, I walked and Kevin headed under the house to investigate how on earth we woke up to the strong odor of skunk in the house, I walked when he gagged and coughed (because of the dust) trying to find a shred of evidence that they'd somehow infiltrated the fortress, I walked and he came out sweaty and dusty exclaiming, "I don't know how that happened, it definitely doesn't smell under the house, whatever happened thing's sealed up for sure now!"

It's enough to make many cringe, or want to leave and I can't say we haven't thought about it, but we've decided we're here to stay, and so have the skunks, and groundhogs, and mice, and snakes, and chipmunks and that's just the way it is. We know first hand that history often repeats itself whether you're talking about the economy, politics or rodents and we've learned to never say "never again". It makes me think back to that song, how little we actually control, and how life moves forward as it cycles at the same time, listening to the way it so quietly ends,

she's running to stand,
still....