If only...

If only I could nap like my children I'd be all over this New Year's resolution posted over at the supersisters. As soon as I read it I thought of these pictures that I would take when I'd catch the kids napping in the most unsuspecting sort of places. Some of my favorites are the ones where they would suddenly be asleep in their high chairs after/during lunch, or the one where Lauren has half-way slid off the couch upside down with her head on the floor completely asleep. Of course I can't find them for you now, but take my word for it, they do exist. This next one may be the most unique of all, I mean really, who can fall asleep on a cold cement garage floor with a loud generator going while daddy works on fixing up his old '57 Chevy?

Poor little vagabond, look at him, with his younger sisters rain boots on that you know don't fit and his mommy's old church softball t-shirt from when she was in 2nd grade with the "Amy" ironed on the back of it. Pitiful.

I wish

I wish I had something wonderfully profound to say to you today, a beautiful revelation about life and love, or even a little wisdom to impart, but it seems every year I am resolution-less and in a state of flux. To make matters worse, our littlest is quite sick, keeping me home and in comfy clothes, doing lots of laundry, back rubbing and consoling. She feels so yucky and I just hate it. Besides wanting to help her feel better, my second priority is to keep everyone else away from her. If the bug goes through all 5 of us it could be a loooong week.

My plan of attack for 2009 (in business and life for that matter) is to keep plugging away, putting one foot gracefully in front of the other and making lots of the same goodness that 2008 had to offer with new twists, such as the strawberries and cream booties above. I'm still planning my sweater and if no one else gets sick I may have a chance to get some yarn at a favorite store before the weekend is over.

The other time occupier over the past 2 days has been the "knitters black hole" (a.k.a. Ravelry) and yesterday I decided to make a hat. I know I've said I don't wear hats but Kevin got us a gift to go skiing this winter and I'll have to wear something on my head. So I knitted Felicity and I like it although I don't like myself in hats. It's just a thing I need to get over.

It really does look like the picture on Ravelry now that I see it from this angle, all bulbous and big. I used some worsted weight wool I had in my stash, I'm rather partial to blue, always have been.

Now, rather than draging you through any more of my muddling around, I'll sign off and in parting I wish each of you a happy new year just the same, we've no where to go but forward!

Coming around

I'm working again, filling those surprise post-Christmas orders for bunnies and hats and the like, and the remaining orders that had a post-Christmas deadline. But all the while I have that nagging little thought in the back of my mind about the sweater I'm going to make for myself. Yes, it's that time of year where I want to knit for myself and I plan a project, buy the yarn, start knitting, change projects mid-stream, get distracted by new ideas for the shop, decide I can use the yarn I bought for myself to generate revenue and never end up knitting that original sweater. For my knitting friends who see me cycle through this phase every year, you're welcome to tune me out for a while.

But I'm going to give it a go again, despite my past inability to produce an end result and I've dug out an old pattern to try. Well, I say try, but I'm changing the pattern quite a bit. Don't laugh, Pam. It's so cute and free, you can check it out here on Ravelry. I'm going to make it long-sleeved instead of 3-quartered, with raglan shoulder seams and instead of making it short and trapeze-shaped in the bodice I'm going to make it longer, past my hips and more fitted to the body. I know, a complete overhaul. To back up a few paces, if you're a knitter and not familiar with Ravelry, you should give it a look--you can get completely lost there.

So the next step is to scout out some yarn, of the non-itchy variety because that collar comes up close to the neck and I'm planning on wearing the heck out of this thing (famous last words). If it ends up becoming something else I promise not to complain.

Meanwhile, for the record, the three of us who were in the woods the other day have poison ivy. I know, it's dormant, there are no leaves in sight, but those boys were cutting the vines and handling them and I swear then all they have to do is look at me with it on their skin and I've got it too. Luckily they don't have much of a reaction and what they do have is gone in a day or two, but I'm quite allergic, and minimal as it is on me right now, I'll be itching for a couple of weeks.

On a last note, it's almost time to say goodbye to the stockings and all of the Christmas decorations. According to Kevin it's bad luck to keep them up past New Year's Day and as much as I don't like to see them go, it's a good way for me to get a handle on the clutter.

Clearing out

It's a strange and blustery 70 degree day here, not conducive to fishing so there's work being done. Winter time is the only time to tackle the massive, woody, poison ivy vines that strangle the trees around the property in summer.

Boy helper helps.
Girl helpers are playing kitchen.

Old lawnmower helps.
Mommy takes pictures.

It's still a bit wild,

but with the telltale signs of the presence of men left behind.



What will move in when the clearing out is finished? More walking/biking trails? John has his eye on a rather large jump I know, or maybe a fort, or chickens...or a knitting studio...I know, don't laugh.

A Christmas resolution

I stood in the packed church service on Christmas Eve, telling myself over and over, "I'm not gonna cry when they light the candles and we sing Silent Night, I'm just not gonna do it this year", and I puffed myself up, swallowed deep and tried to be brave. Then the thought overwhelmed me that this could be MY first Christmas, the one when I changed my standing in my own mind, it could be the first one when I stopped seeing myself as an unwanted daughter and instead see myself as a much loved wife, mother, friend, in essence, just me. Instead of dwelling on what wasn't, or on being a small part of someone else's Christmas, I should focus on what is, what's right in front of me which isn't second best anyway, it truly is incredible, all the gifts our family has. It's my turn to create a Christmas experience not only for my kids, but for myself as well, it's about time I had my own Christmas.

Sure enough, I did it, not by "white-knuckling" the whole service, but instead really singing with intention and joy, holding Allie in my arms, helping her with the glowing white candle, hearing the harmony and notes of one of my most favorite songs, and feeling the fullness of sound that comes from having so many bodies in such a small space.

When I awoke on Christmas morning I saw the sunrise above, taking that picture from our front steps just before presents. It had rained on Christmas Eve while we were up late still wrapping, but it stopped through the night, and in the morning the sun pushed back the clouds making way for a beautiful sunshiny day. It was filled with the usual excitement, gifts, piles of wrapping paper, meals, more presents, more food, family and the late night dishes that are left behind.

Exhasuted at the end of it all, I went upstairs to our room and Kevin said, "Honey, come here" and he motioned for me to sit on the bed beside him. "We need to talk". Uh oh, I thought, and felt my face go flush, surely I said or did something that was embarassing to him or me or someone else and didn't know it.

"What'd I do?" I asked.

"That was the BEST Christmas ever" he said, "thank you so much for making it so wonderful". And I felt the tears wanting to come out, the ones I had pushed back, and the lump rising up in my throat and I just put my head down on his arm and said, "Thank you...thank you... you don't know how much that means".

As I lay in bed trying to fall asleep replaying the activities of the day, I kept going back to that sunrise and that hard line of black clouds being pushed back by the sun. And then I felt it all over, my skin tingling, that I had talked to God with that picture and he reminded me once again that a new day always comes, that darkness gives way to light, that hope will dry every tear, and that if we are true to ourselves, then we are exactly where we are supposed to be.

I missed it

I knew it'd been about a year since I began this blog and I was kind of avoiding the whole thing if you want to know the truth because I wasn't really in the mood to think about what I'd say about everything, you know a lot can happen in a year and it's pretty hard to sum up that much time in one little blog post. Sure enough when I checked, I started blogging a year and two days ago on the 20th of December 2007 and I missed the anniversary on purpose. Almost two hundred and thirty posts later I'm still writing, trying to take pictures the way I see the things around me, and learning every step of the way both in terms of what I'm thinking and what I'm seeing. It's been a fun journey, one I truly enjoy and I have no intention of stopping or even slowing down.

I took the time just now to reread my first post entitled "Simple Gifts" and was surprised that it still sounded like me. Just why that should be surprising I don't really know, I guess I thought my writing had changed some over the past year, but nope, it was still me, in love with family and confused about life and sad too.

If you read what I wrote, I can tell you that the man who wanted back then to move to some far off exotic land still has those thoughts even more now than ever. The little boy full of enthusiasm on his too-small bike still has that same zest for life, only now on his bike with room to grow. My little writer of a daughter fills books and note pads with her stories and love notes, only now she spells a bit better and writes sentences that are too long like her mother. My youngest is still wild, and loud, and so cute you just want to squeeze her, and so many do. The old friend who lost her daughter still bravely faces every day, full of life and love for the two daughters who remain, paying wonderful tribute to the one she'll never forget. The other friend on a ventilator lost her brave battle with breast cancer almost 10 months after that post. She fought to the exhausting end, leaving her strength behind to carry her grieving husband. And still the other is healthy and recovering, here for many more years if the doctors are right.

We just never know what's in store and I guess that's what both keeps us going and can scare us if we let it. It all just makes me think of a wedding card we received 10+ years ago from a lawyer/writer/author/neighbor, illustrated by her then four year old daughter. You'll like it, it goes a little like this:

May sunshine brighten your days,
May rainbows walk with you always,
May love fill your heart and days,
And may the mysteries and confusions of life reveal depth and wonder.

Yep, I'm right there, somewhere in the middle of mysteries and confusion, and she was right about the depth and wonder.

Berry merry

To the dissapointment of friends and commenters, the pink berry cluster of two posts ago did not morph into a ceiling fan pull, but rather became a new necklace style that I'm quite fond of. I made it yesterday morning and it made it's debut at the cookie swap. It was out again at a Christmas party last night and after for some late night, last minute shopping and then again at church this morning. It's really making the rounds.

There are many other color schemes in the works and it may even show up in my Etsy shop because the picture isn't half bad with my little point and shoot. It's hanging up there from the old door to the laundry room which is off our sunny little mudroom. Too bad my gifts of jewelry have all either gone out or are already made, otherwise this style surely would have found it's way into some gift bags. There's always next year.

I'm enjoying winding down now that all my pre-Christmas orders have gone out and am really looking forward to the few weeks the kids have off from school. No lunches to pack, no paperwork to keep up with, no having to make sure homework gets done, no school schedule to keep. Ahhhh. Enter baking. I really like to bake. Cooking's fine but I like baking better and I'm getting in the mood for more of it and now have the time. The bananas on the counter were just begging to be made into bread so I obliged.

This bread is from the recipe of my friend's now deceased grandmother and is simple, totally foolproof, smells divine and comes out looking like this every single time. It usually doesn't last two days around here.